devarim

As this series continues, it seems that it is time for a reactive post, rather than a proactive one. Although most of what I've written below is, on the surface, addressed to one person or another (or a small group of people who have made similar comments), it is intended for my audience at large. Enjoy!

muse wrote:

When I was learning pre-marriage, I was taught that wigs were the inferior hair covering. I worked in a company which had lots of frum people. I was told that for "public jobs" like reception, I'd need a wig, but to stay in "central files" any hair covering.

That's my reasoning, almost exactly. I don't really expect to swap between a hat and a wig every half-hour or so, based on who I'm meeting with, but over time I hope to be able to figure out which days will be hat-days and which days will be fake-hair-days, and do my best to maximize the former.

Or, as I explained to a (non-Jewish) co-worker a few days ago:

Yes, I am going ahead with the fake hair idea...I've been agonizing about this for years and so the decision is pretty final now. While I agree with you that being OK with hats would be a gold star in my book for any employer, a litigation-based position involves interaction with LOTS of people and it could be prejudicial to my clients for me to stick out in any way, particularly a way that implies that I am less than professional (as the hats I wear to work now are not really considered "professional" dress).

Ideally I'd like to have a job where the fake hair lives in my office as a backup solution (like an emergency suit) and I wear hats all the time, but that's an issue I'll have to resolve with my future employer. And maybe someday, if I feel like fighting the good fight, I will scrap it altogether and revert to the obvious coverings. Hey, I'm not opposed to considering fancy tied scarves either (which I often wear on weekends, and which cover ALL my hair), but at this point I don't have the professional clout to pull it off.

OOSJ posted the following:

Covering hair for married modern-orthodox women is one question, wearing a shaitel is another. . . . My opinion has always been that if the reason for a woman covering her hair is 'tzniut' as understood by the Rambam and others - then women should refrain from going out. If for the Rambam, a woman went to the market once or twice a month, then covering hair had a certain logic to it. If you argue cases before strange men, then that logic seems to fall apart.

I am not here to convince you one way or another - but the buying of a shaitel seems to me the biggest slap in the face to public women (of which you are one). But ... the times have changed and I am a bit out of touch with your generation (just ask my kids). The boys are wearing kippot in places we never did and the girls, I guess are wearing shaitels.

My initial response to you, OOSJ, is to point out that you begin by saying that hair covering and wig-wearing are separate questions, but then you conflate them yourself! I have already made the decision, for myself, to follow kisui rosh (hair-covering for married women) to some degree. My observance in this area includes covering the majority of my hair (though possibly more than a tefach is showing) while at work. The first part of your comment seems to state that kisui rosh in general is not properly interpretted nowadays. This is an interesting point, and perhaps one that my female readers would like to discuss here. However, it is not the issue with which I am currently struggling.

The other question - wearing a sheitel/wig for the purpose of kisui rosh is one that you seem to dance around. I do agree with you that it is a slap in the face, but as I see it the slap is delivered by American societal expectations, not by halacha and/or Jewish culture. I would love to continue to use hats (and even start to use scarves!) to cover my hair in professional settings, but it does not seem that this is meant to be. I really would like to hear your thoughts on that particular issue, and whether you actually do draw a distinction between "covering hair with hair" and just plain "covering hair."

Abby and OrthoMom both expressed concern about headbands making them (and me) look too "young." I don't really know what to do about that...my own hair is too short and too thin to comb over the front of a fall and blend in with the FH, and I'm not going to by a full wig (with a front and everything) at this point in the game. The best I can do is to work with the narrowest headbands possible, in conservative colors and sophisticated but subdued fabrics. Any suggestions on where to buy those, by the way, would be greatly appreciated.

On a briefer note: Shana, I want to hear more about this: "who knew i'd be running around Jerusalem in pants and in a bandanna with a ponytail sticking out?"

...and, Joel C, I'm still waiting for your (more substantive) comment! I promise not to burn any wigs out of spite...they're too damn expensive to let them go for such a silly reason!

So, there we go...a little of everything, up to this point. The game is far from over, though...

part of a series: I, II, II 1/2, branching out, III, sub-V, V . . .